#2: Obesity

It's hard to believe, but there was a time in the not-so-distant past when Americans were actually fairly fit. If you look back at old movies, television programs, advertisements, newspapers, etc., you'll see that people in America were, in regard to size, fairly average. Fat people were the minority - an ostracized, belittled minority. Chances are, in that not-so-distant-and-thinner past, if you saw a fat person, they were being somehow made fun of. Remember Fred "Rerun" Berry from "What's Happening?" Yeah, that's how fat people were treated back in the day. They were freaks - funny freaks, but freaks nonetheless. That's not to say there were no beloved fat people then because there certainly were. But, chances are, if you were fat, you weren't very popular. Or, better yet, you were a fat kid who, thanks be to God, got thinner in high school (at least, that's what happened to me).

I don't know where America went wrong, but at some time in the late 80s or so, people just started getting fat and staying that way. By the time the 90s got here, people weren't only fat, but they were fat and PROUD of it. All of the sudden fat people got bold and started talking about "choices" and being "big and beautiful" and, what's really screwed up, the mainstream started buying into it. It was like movie stars in the 40s saying that smoking was "cool" except, unlike cigarettes, fat people were selling being unhealthy AND unattractive. I mean, at least with cigarettes you're only ruining your insides. When you're fat, everybody sees it. I'll take a black lung any day of the week, so long as I can still look down and see my toes (and other stuff too).

I'm not trying to be insensitive here. I mean, I get that some people really have health-related problems that lead to obesity and that really sucks. But, those people are a very small minority. Most fattys are fat because they have no self-control. I also blame video games. I used to love playing outside as a kid. I was svelte as hell. Then, bout 1986, my parents bought me a Nintendo and  my once-active lifestyle was replaced by a whole lot of sitting on my ass an playing Zelda. Before I knew it, I was the damn fat kid. I had tits and everything. That was my fault. I eventually re-discovered the outdoors - some time around 1992 - and got my ass back into shape. I've never been so thankful for being completely schizophrenic when it comes to lifestyle. I get bored with stuff pretty easy. Not to mention, my parents didn't have a lot of money, so they couldn't afford to get me a Super NES or the Sega Genesis. Pretty soon, Nintendo just lost its luster and I discovered the joys of hiking and swimming. I also discovered girls and girls don't like fat gaming kids.

I also blame the American obsession with really crappy food. I'm going to save the majority of this angle for another post, but seriously ... high fructose corn syrup? Ugh.

Things are getting serious now because the American obesity epidemic is hitting young people the hardest. The percentage of overweight children grows every year. I've got a son now and I don't want him falling victim to this disease. I make sure we go outside everyday he's with me. We go to the park and just run. Seriously, that's a game we play. "Okay, run up the hill! Weeeeeeeeee! Run down the hill! WEEEEEEE!" We go swimming, play on the playground. Hell, on hot days, we walk up and down the stairs of my apartment. I mean, I know he's only two-and-a-half, but I never want him to have to suffer my fatty fate. I hated being a fat kid.

Our education system is screwing them too. Recess has been all-but-abandoned by most school systems. PE is on the top of the chopping block (next to good things like, oh I don't know, art and music) whenever budgets get cut. School sports teams are now too being terminated because of budget issues. And with computers, newer gaming systems, and five-friggin-thousand TV channels (in HD, no less), kids have virtually no interest in going outside to play. It really sucks AND it's totally an American problem.

People in other countries (excepting maybe England and Somoa) don't have this problem. You know why? Because those people actually DO stuff. They go on "holiday" and hike through Europe and take biking tours. They walk EVERYWHERE and love bicycles more than cars. They also don't eat complete crap because people in other countries actually have their own food cultures. What's America's food culture? Excrement, that's what. Stinking "burgers" and "potato chips" and all things fried. I mean, we're the home of the "double down." Is it any wonder we're such fattys? Damnit - I gotta save this one for another post (I keep forgetting).

So, in conclusion: Obesity - another reason Americans suck.

#1: White People

Not only am I a self-hating American, I'm also a self-hating white guy. And I am really white - English, Scottish, Irish and Swedish. There's a bit of Native American blood in there, but what annoyingly white person doesn't say that. White people have ruined America. Their general disregard for anything resembling cultural traditions, their mistrust of nearly every group, worldwide, that's not A) white, B) Protestant, or C) capitalist, and their general arrogance about American superiority has turned the country into the snotty prima donna of the world.

Think about it. White America ruins everything. I mean, how many fundamentalist, gun-toting, flag-waving, aggresively ignorant jerks do you know who aren't white. White Americans blow up abortion clinics, protest war-veteran funerals, sit in isolated cabins making bombs, chop up people and put said people in freezers for winter stews. White Americans revile soccer, are solely responsible for gentrification projects, and have pretty much ruined music and film by exploiting stereotypes of other races. Without white people, America might just be an alright place to live, but so long as we have a white majority, you can forget about improving a crippled education system or lessening environmental rape because, hell, white people love shitty education and raping the land - they practically invented both.

I mean, think about some of the biggest douchebags in the good ol' US of A: Glenn Beck, white. Michael Moore, white. Nancy Pelosi, white. Sean Hannity, white. Jeffrey Dahmer, white. Bill O'Reilly, white. Rush Linbaugh, white. Ben Rothlisberger, white. Granted, there are some major douchebags of color out there, but I'm pretty sure that if I think hard enough I can attribute their douchey-ness to white America (you know, would Jesse Jackson be such a douche if it weren't for white people? I don't think so).

That brings me to the real reason Americans - white Americans - suck so hard: their very real, albeit ridiculous, fear of brown people. Since the beginning of the European discovery of America, white folks on this continent have been incredibly fearful of anyone who isn't white. First, they brought diseases with them that wiped out 95% of indigenous peoples in the Americas- wiped them out in a span of about 100 years (1492-1608). Then, to really screw them over, the ancestors of future white Americans began a 300-year campaign of cheating, slaughtering and generally giving the shaft to the remainder of those indigenous groups. F'n A. But, destroying the cultures that were already here wasn't enough for these jack-offs. Nope. They went to another continent, rounded up hundreds of thousands of brown people living there, brought them over to America and THEN proceeded to shaft those people for about 300 years.

Finally, in the 1950s and 60s, some white folks (mostly Jews and Catholics, so they technically don't count as "white America"), realized that what was happening to black people in America really sucked and so decided to join up with some pretty-damn-awesome black folks and do something about the 300-year-long oppression. Thank God. Though, their efforts didn't go forward without major opposition from a large population of white Americans - assholes who finally decided to take their efforts underground so as not to come off as real jerks in the global eye. However, they're coming out from under their rocks to, yet again, express their open disdain for another group of brown folks ... Hispanics.

Seriously, if it were, say, a bunch of French-Canadians ... wait, no, because white Americans despise all things French as well. Okay, let's say a bunch of regular Canadians were coming into the US to work landscaping jobs or harvest fruit and veggies - a bunch of regular white Canadians - do you think there'd be such a fuss about building a wall to keep out the Canadians? Nope. All the whiteys would be happy as pigs in poo to have their northern brethren coming down to cut grass and pick fruit. But that's not the case with the Mexicans. Nope. Mexicans are brown and therefore evil.

I didn't even mention the internment camps for Japanese Americans - some of whom had been in the US for generations ... some of whom were the families of Japanese Americans serving in the armed forces in WW II. Jesus, white Americans suck so hard.

The list goes on and on and on. I mean, sometimes I really hate being white because I'm immediately associated with one of the most dominant groups of ducktards the world has ever known. Yep, white Americans even make things crappy for other white Americans. Jesus.

ADDENDUM: After reading this post, a friend of mine pointed out something interesting in line with this whole "white Americans suck" thing. The majority of the creeps caught on To Catch a Predator are "religious" white males ... wow http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EwFr_VcGMKQ