#8: Religion

Following the attacks of September 11, 2001, Americans became incredibly vocal against something called "Islamist Extremism" (see also Islamic Fundamentalism). Every American had an opinion about this new danger to America - everyone sounding off about how backwards Muslims were because of their religious zeal. Ahem. Pot, meet Kettle.

Of course, hyporcicy knows no bounds in this great country of ours and Americans just love pointing out in others the very faults that make us suck so much. Really? Muslims are zealous? I'm not saying they aren't, but I think it's fair to say that, as far as religious fundamentalism goes, we're probably tied for first with our friends in the Middle East. Abortion clinic bombings, hate crimes against homosexuals, the Klan, prejudices - all of these have roots in the engrained American Judaeo-Christian orthodoxy.

This has been the dominant religious, cultural and political paradigm in this country since the beginning. While folks in the 17th century may not have called it Judaeo-Christian, the fact remains they were following those practices, which are primarily based in the religious ideology of the Old Testament. Essentially, it is this: if you don't follow the prescribed moral instruction of the Old Testament/Torah, you will be smote by God. Smiting most often comes in the form of some angry white dudes doing terrible things to you (and sometimes to your goat too).

The first example this kind of justice occurred in the latter half of the 17th century when colonists, disturbed by women speaking out of turn, decided to accuse these women of witchcraft and burn the miserable bitches at the stake. This particular group of witch-burning fundamentalists was led by Cotton Mather (Increase's son)- the ideological great-great-great-great-grandfather of such fine, upstanding Americans as Joe McCarthy, Pat Robertson, Sean Hannity, and Newt Gingrich (and I'm pretty sure he's the guy Ann Coulter masturbates to every night in front of an alter).

From there it snowballed - Native American genocide, slavery, anti-Chinese leagues, etc, etc, etc. In modern times, the good Judaeo-Christian men and women of America make sure that homosexuals, Muslims, Indians, atheists, communists, and everyone else who holds beliefs different from the American way are perfectly aware that they are NOT welcome. No, we're not burning women en masse for witchcraft anymore, nor have we flown any planes into the cultural centers of any Islamic nations (er, wait a minute), but we do like to occasionally beat, maim, and murder homosexuals and tie them to fences. Shit, yeah! God LOVES US!

Most Americans don't want to hear such things. Afterall, America is the greatest nation in the free world. We can do NO wrong. God is on our side - shit, God blesses America (it's in a song). Well, guess what. There are a lot of people halfway around the world who thinks God blesses them too. Guess we'll know whom God loves more by who's left standing.